In the month of Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when wine was before him, I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. And the king said to me, “Why is your face sad, seeing you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of the heart.” Then I was very much afraid. I said to the king, “Let the king live forever! Why should not my face be sad, when the city, the place of my fathers’ graves, lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?” So I prayed to the God of heaven. And I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor in your sight, that you send me to Judah, to the city of my fathers’ graves, that I may rebuild it.”
The story of Nehemiah is an interesting one. We see a picture of God’s people Israel not together but scattered here and there after a time of captivity. A remnant had returned to Jerusalem, but their life had its many challenges. Nehemiah was working in the administration of a king, far from the suffering of this remnant, when he received word of their struggles. Nehemiah’s response to this news was to weep, mourn, fast and pray. His mourning and his prayer show that he was grieved by this news and moved to act, which put him in a tough spot. Serving in a high secular position under a Gentile king, his first challenge would be facing his fear and asking for leave of office.
Nehemiah’s request to the king here troubled him. We can speculate the various reasons why he might have been scared to make this request, but the obvious thing is that his question was at least unorthodox and maybe even dangerous for him. Yet, the fear of that moment would be nothing compared to what awaited him in Jerusalem. There is a reason why Nehemiah began his inspection of the city under the cover of darkness and waited to speak about his intentions. [2:12] He and his people would be derided for trying to rebuild the city and accused of defying the king in power there. [2:17-20] They even would have to do their work under the threat of death. [4:10-14] Eventually, half the servants would work to rebuild the city walls and gates while half stood armed ready for battle.
Nehemiah’s courage came in two kinds. He first had to face his fear and speak up to the king to request leave to go help his people. That was a moment of fear. Once he arrived in Jerusalem, he faced many people who wanted that construction to stop. He did not face losing his life in a moment but for a time. The threat was constantly there against everyone rebuilding the city. It started with a moment of courage and led to a time of courage. Had Nehemiah not taken that first step, he would not have had the opportunity to build his courage more. Father, help us to take the first small steps in facing our fears so that we can grow to practicing living courageously daily.